


Worth the Fight

by TobytheWise



Series: Toby's SH Bingo [13]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Djinni & Genies, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Temporary Amnesia, djinn dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22152889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TobytheWise/pseuds/TobytheWise
Summary: Simon wakes up with no memory of the night before and with a nagging at the back of his head, telling him things aren't as they seem.What will it take for Simon to realize the truth and send himself back home?
Relationships: Simon Lewis/Raphael Santiago
Series: Toby's SH Bingo [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544428
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111
Collections: SHBingo





	Worth the Fight

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ShadowhunterBingo, square filled: Amnesia 
> 
> (note about Djinn in the end notes <3 )

Simon lets out a happy sigh as he rolls over on his bed, his arm going around the body now pressed against his front. He snuggles against the other person, burying his nose against their hair, taking in a deep breath and smiling at the smell. Wait. 

As Simon slowly wakes up, he realizes he has no fucking clue where he is. His body tenses, completely freezing. 

“Shh,” the person in front of him whispers. “Go back to sleep, Si.”

And oh shit. Simon  _ knows _ that voice. What the fuck is he doing snuggled up,  _ spooning _ Raphael? The Clan leader tolerates Simon most days. Sure, they’ve grown closer with time but never  _ this  _ close. 

“Raphael?”

“Hush, Simon. We don’t have anything going on until this afternoon. Let me sleep a little longer.”

Raphael reaches back, grabbing Simon’s arm and wrapping it back around his waist. Simon holds completely still, wondering how the fuck he got here. He doesn’t remember  _ anything _ . 

“I don’t--” he tries to say, his voice breaking. He clears his throat, licking his lips. “Raphael. How did I get here?”

Simon tries to think of anything about the night before but he keeps coming up blank. He gets a tiny flash of something. Something about his clan mates all taking him to this exclusive club, a place that promises your deepest,  _ happiest _ fantasy. Wanting to feel a part of the Clan, of course Simon accepted their invitation. 

“Simon,” Raphael asks, his voice coming out soft as he turns around to face him. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I-- I don’t know? I don’t really remember how I got here. I remember going out last night?”

Raphael’s lips tick up slightly. “That’s why you don’t remember,  _ amor _ . You were so drunk when Alec and Jace finally dropped you off.”

Simon frowns. “No. I wasn’t out with them. I was out with the Clan.”

“What clan, Simon? You’re not making any sense.”

“And how did I get into this bed? With you?” Simon sits up, his heart beginning to race. He looks over at the bedside table, finding a picture frame. When he picks it up, he freezes once more, his eyes widening. It’s a picture of Simon and Raphael, both wearing suits. It looks-- It looks like their wedding. His eyes flit down to his left hand, finding a simple silver band. “What’s going on?”

Simon’s hand touches his chest and he freezes. His heart! It’s beating! He’s  _ alive _ . 

Raphael sits up too, his face showing his worry. “Come here,” he whispers before gently bringing Simon’s face closer, gently kissing his lips. 

There’s a nagging at the back of his head, screaming at him that this isn’t real, that something’s not right. But then Raphael’s tongue is sweeping against his lips, asking for him to part them which he readily does. The feeling of Raphael’s tongue against his own is real. The feel of his hands in Simon’s hair is real. The  _ joy _ Simon feels in his chest must be real too. And so he focuses on that instead. 

~~~

It’s not until they’re both up out of bed and dressed for the day that Simon takes a moment to stop and think. He wanders down the hall of their home towards the kitchen, stopping to gaze at the pictures on the walls. All of their loved ones are there. Izzy and Raphael with their arms around each other, smiling at the camera. Alec and Magnus looking damper at his wedding. Clary on Jace’s back, both of them laughing and carefree. There’s one of his mother, Rebecca, Maia, and him. As he walks, touching each frame, it’s like the memory comes back to him where before there were none. 

He woke up this morning with no recollection of his life and now he’s remembering how beautiful their ceremony was, how he and Magnus met, how Clary squealed the day Jace finally asked her on a date. Little by little it’s coming back. Yet, it’s not quite right, is it? Because where’s his Clan? Where’s Alec’s and Izzy’s and Clary’s and Jace’s runes? 

Simon shakes his head, trying to clear it but it’s no use. Everything is jumbled in his head, leaving an ache behind his eyes. It’s only the smell of fresh coffee that pushes him forward. Oh, and the soft humming he somehow knows is coming from his  _ husband _ . 

Simon follows his nose and his ears to where he instinctively knows the kitchen to be. There’s Raphael, pouring two cups of coffee, his hips gently swaying back and forth as he hums. Simon leans against the doorframe, a smile tickling at his lips as he watches. 

“It’s creepy to stare,” Raphael says, turning around with a little smile. 

Simon just shrugs, unsure of what to say because he was totally staring. Caught red-handed. But Raphael doesn’t seem to mind, stepping into Simon’s space and handing him a cup of coffee before kissing his cheek. 

“Can we drink these out on the patio?” Simon asks. 

Raphael nods, pulling Simon along. They lean against the railing, drinking their coffee in silence. Raphael tilts his head up towards the sun, the light beating down against his skin. There’s a soft smile playing at his lips and Simon’s hit with an ache for how  _ beautiful _ Raphael is. That nagging is back, whispering that Raphael shouldn’t be in the sun, shouldn’t be able to be out here. 

“I’ve gotta run to the store and pick everything up that we’ll need for tonight.”

“Right,” Simon says, taking a sip of coffee and groaning in appreciation. Just the way he likes it. “Any special occasion?”

Raphael shakes his head. “Nope. Just our monthly get together. Last month Magnus and Alec hosted and this month is our turn. You still want me to make chilli? Or would you rather have spaghetti?”

“Your chilli is fine. You know I love it,” Simon says, jolting with surprise at knowing he loves Raphael’s cooking. How the hell does he know that?

“And I love  _ you _ ,” Raphael says. He leans up, taking Simon’s lips in a kiss. Simon’s hand comes up to rest against Raphael’s cheek. 

“I love you, too,” Simon says, his heart speeding up at the words. This is somehow both the very first time he’s said this to Raphael and also the millionth. It’s easy and  _ normal _ , while also being terrifying. 

The smile Raphael gives him makes his chest flutter. “I’ll see you later,” Raphael says before turning and walking off the deck towards his car.

What. The fuck. Is happening?

~~~

Once Raphael is gone, Simon takes his time looking through the house. The more he finds, the more memories come back to him. There’s a piano in their living room which Raphael frequently plays, singing softly for Simon. His guitar leans against it and Simon remembers nights spent sat on the ground, coming up with new songs and new lyrics, trying to be quiet so he doesn’t wake his husband. In the kitchen, he finds a set of coffee mugs that read ‘Mr. and Mr.’ on them, a gift from Magnus after they’d gotten engaged. Little pieces seem to be slotting together. 

But that nagging feeling never leaves. 

Simon focuses on that nagging feeling, tries to figure out why it’s there. What is he missing? Once he thinks he’s latched onto the feeling, tugging at it. His concentration is thwarted by a knock on the door. 

Looking through the peep-hole, Simon lets out a breath. It’s Alec.

“Umm, hey?” Simon says, pulling the door open, letting Alec in. Alec grabs him into a quick hug before walking into the house and towards the kitchen. Yeah, okay. That’s weird as fuck. 

Simon watches in stunned silence as Alec begins pulling down two wine glasses from the cupboard, knowing where everything is in  _ his _ kitchen. Alec pours two glasses of wine, sliding one over to Simon before picking his own up. 

Alec takes a deep drink before letting out a sigh. “Ahh, that’s better.”

“Right,” Simon says to himself, picking up the glass and taking a sip. The taste explodes on his tongue, making him moan in pleasure. 

“Seems you needed a drink as much as I did,” Alec says with a wide smile. “Rough day?”

Simon leans back in his seat at the breakfast island, Alec sitting across from him. “Umm,” he gets out, staring at the way Alec seems so at ease, like this is something  _ they do _ . “You can say that?”

Alec tilts his head and Simon’s eyes skim over his throat which is void of any rune. “Wanna talk about it?” Alec asks, his brows wrinkling in concern. 

Simon looks down at his glass, swirling the red liquid around. His mind conjures the same picture only the glass filled with blood instead of wine. His throat feels like it might literally close as he’s overcome with emotions. He looks back up at Alec, whispering, “tell me how we became friends.”

Alec’s lips curl up, just barely, into a smile. “Ah. Feeling melodramatic today? Well, as you know, Raphael’s family fostered Magnus when he was a kid, they’ve been joint at the hip ever since. In college I started dating Magnus and you-” Alec pauses to take another drink, shaking his head. “You were sorta circling around Raphael, fawning over him but never getting the guts to talk to him. I gave you the push you needed. We didn’t really get off on the right foot but eventually we became friends. For the greater good, of course.”

“The greater good. Right.”

Alec leans forward. “What’s got you feeling so out of whack?”

Simon bites on his lip a moment before asking, “you ever feel like you’re missing something? Like-- I don’t know. Like you’re in the wrong place? Like maybe this isn’t really  _ your _ life?”

There’s a moment of silence where Alec looks around the kitchen, his lips turning down in a frown. “No,” he finally says, making Simon’s stomach sink. “Are you and Raphael okay?” he asks gently. 

“We’re fine. Great, really,” Simon says, his belly filling with butterflies again just thinking about his  _ husband _ . He touches his wedding ring, swirling it around his finger. 

“Then what’s this about? Your life here is great, Simon. You have everything you’ve ever wanted, including some great friends. You’re married to the love of your life. You have a nice home. What else could you want?”

And the thing is? Alec is  _ right _ . Simon is human again, living his happiest life. Instead of focusing on the nagging, this time he pushes it away with all his might. Deep down, he knows something is wrong, but he doesn’t care. He wants to  _ stay _ . He loves his life and he’s finally ready to push everything aside and live it. 

~~~

Simon tosses his jeans into the hamper, excitement thrumming just under his skin. “Did you see the way Magnus pouted after that? God, that was amazing. We kicked ass tonight, babe!”

“I know,” Raphael says with an amused laugh. “In case you forgot I was there too.”

Simon looks up, his heart picking up speed. Raphael is smiling at him, his face lighting up in a way that makes Simon feel  _ treasured _ . He’s so lucky to have married such a wonderful man. 

“Hey,” he says softly. “You know I love you, right?”

Raphael tilts his head. “Of course. And I love you back.”

Simon smiles wide, his cheeks hurting from how much he’s been smiling today. The wine they’d drank all night making him feel light and giggly. He steps up into Raphael’s space, both of them down to their boxers and shirts. Simon runs a hand over Raphael’s shoulder, loving the way Raphael’s cheeks light up with a blush. He’s just so  _ handsome _ . 

Simon’s about to pull his husband into a kiss when Raphael’s eyes widen, his body freezing. Simon freezes right along with him, wondering what’s wrong. “Are you okay?”

Raphael’s eyes dart around the room. “Yeah. Fine,” he murmurs, not looking at Simon. He looks down at himself, his brows furrowing. “The better question is, are you okay?”

“What’s going on? Of course I’m fine.” Simon steps forward, taking Raphael’s hand. Raphael flinches at the touch and Simon tilts his head. “We just had a lovely evening with our friends. And I have you by my side. I’m not sure I could be happier even if I tried.”

Simon doesn’t even try disguising his hurt when Raphael takes his hand away, turning away from him. “ _ This _ is what makes you happy?”

“I uh... I don’t understand the question. Of course I’m happy. You’re my husband. Alec is my friend. Magnus remembers my name. What’s not to be happy about, Rapha?”

Raphael turns around, leveling him with a glare that sends a shiver down his spine. “Simon,” he says, his voice coming out harsh. “None of this is  _ real _ .”

Simon looks away. “I’m aware,” he says quietly. “I finally remember what happened. I went with the clan to see a djinn. They said it would be like a high. But now? Why should I leave?”

“Is that even a question?”

Simon bites his lips, his cheeks heating with embarrassment as he realizes this isn’t dream Raphael standing before him anymore. Nope. This is  _ the real Raphael _ , come to retrieve him from his dream. Well fuck that. Simon points up. “What’s back there for me? Huh? I’m an undead monster, Raphael! Everyone acts like I’m an inconvenience! A burden, instead of a person. I have to drink blood to survive. I have everything I want here! Why the fuck would I wanna go back?”

“Because back there you could have me!”

The outburst makes Simon freeze. His heart beats rapidly against his ribs as the words slowly sink in. “What?”

Raphael crosses his arms over his chest, giving Simon a shrug. “Back in the real world, you’ll still be a vampire. Magnus will still call you every name other than your own. Alec will still act like he can’t remember who you are,” he says carefully. Finally his eyes flit up to meet Simon’s. “But in the real world, you could have me. Aren’t I worth  _ trying _ ?”

Simon’s moving without his conscious effort. He wraps his arms around the back of Raphael’s neck, pulling him into a kiss. It steals his breath in a way he hasn’t experienced since becoming a vampire, making his stomach fill with butterflies. Raphael’s mouth molds to his own, kissing him back just as fiercely. 

When they break apart, Raphael keeps his forehead pressed to Simon’s. “I know it’s  _ easier _ here, Simon. But the real world is worth the fight. And I’m willing to fight alongside you.”

“Okay,” he whispers against Raphael’s lips. 

Simon closes his eyes, following that tug in his belly. When he opens his eyes, he’s back in the real world, the djinn who’d put him under standing over him. “Bloody hell,” the guy says, smacking Simon’s chest. “Been awhile since I had one try to stay like you did.”

Just then, Raphael is stepping over, pulling Simon off the cot and into his arms. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, fledgling.” Before Simon can wonder if it was all for show, just to get him out of the dream, Raphael is kissing him and this time? This time it’s real. 

**Author's Note:**

> (If you've never seen Supernatural, a Djinn is a supernatural creature that puts their victims into a deep sleep where they see their 'dream world' so they'll make all the happy hormones. I twisted that a bit and made Djinn do the same thing in the Shadow World only people use it as a type of high or getting drunk type of feeling.)


End file.
